So it's not exactly a tradition to do a joke review on April Fool's Day, especially considering that I've only done it once in the last...well, since 2013, and possibly ever, but I was hoping to do an April Fool's review of He-Low in place of Orb. This got shelved for two major reasons: 1. I was working midnight last week, so I never had the time to sit down and review it. Hell, I tried doing notes on the first episode of Orb yesterday, but because it was somehow ridiculously busy between the hours of 12 - 8 in the fucking morning, I never got past Gai's entrance in the freezer truck (which, trust me, is ridiculous enough to probably warrant a page and a half of analysis).
The second reason is that I watched He-Low a few weeks ago, and I still have no idea what the hell I watched.
For those who don't know, He-Low is a low-budget, crowdsourced movie created by Hassei Takano, also known as Tezuka of Kamen Rider Ryuki and Bitchy Tezuka (also called Fujimiya) of Ultraman Gaia. Following his appearance in Ultraman Orb: The Origin Saga, he was apparently really, really impressed with Juggler's actor, Takaya Aoyagi, and asked him to star in a movie about a Sentai-like hero who lost his final battle with the forces of evil, along with his memory, and now has to overcome that defeat in order to defeat the bad guys once and for all.
It sounds like a really intense, emotional movie, perfect for the actor who played someone infamous for being rejected by the Light.
It is actually an insane piece of crack that basically acts as a chance for a bunch of Ultraman and Ryuki actors to just goof off and have fun.
I...I really can't put it into words right now. I fully intend to do a full post about it, but...I don't think it'll be as much of a "review" as much as it will be a series of screencaps and me going "...what am I watching?"
And to preface, yes, I did watch it raw. But no, subtitles would not make this make ANY more sense.
Let me put it to you this way: Takashi Hagino, Asakura's actor, is in this. And the whole thing is so fucking insane that I have no idea who he played! How do you LOSE Asakura in a movie?
When you interrupt a training montage so that Juggler can snuggle with bunnies, that's how!